Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Expanding Begins

The Very Nice Co-worker describes it as


Yes, we're talking about pre-baby belly. It's a lovely fluid-filled stomach area that is retaining water and frosted oatmeal cookies like there will never be another drop of water or piece of food on this earth ever, ever again.

I've gone from being a very fit, size 6 to a wider-hipped, squishy-bellied, waist-thickening, OH-MY-GOD-I'M-GETTING-FAT-ALREADY kinda gal. I'm not complaining. Really. I wish I could be assured that my recent puffiness has less to do with the HUGE bag of Combos I ate today and more to do with my five-and-a-half-week-old embryo.

It will be nice to be at the stage where people won't think I'm just getting BROAD IN THE BEAM, but will know it's just growing baby. In the mean time, pass the Cheetos!

I know I have a thousand hyphens and caps in the post. I don't care.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Turns Out, I Just Needed To Change Brands

because, First Response says yes.

From my calculations, I'm 15 days pregnant. The OB calls this 5 weeks. Okay, whatever.

We're not telling too many people; just check out the list of blogs I read to see how immersed I am in the whole infertility/miscarriage culture. Do the words "scared as hell" mean anything?

Overall, I'm just starting to "feel" pregnant. I'm a bit more tired, my abdomen is a bit crampy and I have a constant *very* low-grade nausea. Very manageable, and believe it or not, I'm glad to have it.

I've been told that if I get too cocky about my easy time, I'll end up with hemorrhoids the size of cantaloupes. So, I can just say, I'm happy to be here, and I'm going to enjoy the ride- no matter how bumpy.

And if the ride doesn't buck me off, it'll glide to a halt on October 30th. I hope to see you there.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


A quick aside to mention how difficult it is to maintain a personal web log when you are not able to access said document at work.


Trying Again

It's coming up on that time again.

I remain conflicted. I remain hopeful. I remain doubtful.

I have been taking my basal temperature every morning, but unless you have been charting for a couple of months, interpreting the graph is a bit tricky. Especially when you get up at different times during the week. Your temperature can greatly vary in just a couple of hours, making all sorts of adjustments necessary. I find myself with a limited amount of patience for this.

Whatever happened to just getting knocked up?

Thursday, February 03, 2005

And I Thought She Was Just Getting Broad in the Beam

But, no.

A very nice co-worker announced her pregnancy yesterday. I am very happy for her. And very envious. But I told her so, so it doesn't count against me.

It was unplanned. Unexpected. 14 days after LMP*.

I am now a week or so into taking my basal temperature and charting the texture of my cervical fluid every day. It's kind of an interesting self-discovery process, but doesn't lend me ANY hope that I will be able to conceive.

I also came to the rather depressing realization that I'm now SIX months into "trying." Six months of failure. I'm sure my chances are plummeting as we speak.

So, I'm a bit depressed. Very Nice Co-Worker is happily planning for her future(although, in order to avoid whitewashing the issue too much, she does have to deal with the Baby Daddy -- or not deal with him, as the case may be) with a child inside her who is, AS WE SPEAK, four inches long.

I guess for now, I'm stuck with The Dog and The Monkey.

*LMP stands for "Last Menstrual Period". There's a myth that all women ovulate exactly 14 days into their cycle, and therefore, having unprotected sex on that day will result in conception. As a rule, this is hogshit. I sure don't ovulate at exactly 14 days. In fact, she's the only person I know who's EVER said they conceived on day 14. And to top off my incredulity, it was a fucking mistake!

Sunday, January 30, 2005

How To Keep A Monkey Down

Percoset works wonders.

The Monkey got his wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. He thought he was going to have three taken out, but they only removed two.

He thought he was going to die. Or be paralyzed. Or drool for life.

Instead, he whined until I gave up and let him have the damn pills. I'm not too accommodating about these kinds of things, but the poor man was in pain...

It was kind of nice having him confined to bed for the weekend. No bitching, no crying, no complaining. Just a lot of thankfulness (who doesn't love Mac N Cheese?) and droopy eyelids from lovely oxycodone.

Too bad he only has thirty-something teeth left. I could get used to this.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Palsy-Fingered Fucks!

Some bastard at work decided to put the Kaibosh on anyone using the internet while on work time.

What does it matter if someone fools around bit online, especially if they get all their work done? Well, apparently it matters to someone...

I checked my email when I got in today (the one thing we are really NOT supposed to do) and then decided to delete the history, cookies, etc, blah, blah, blah. SOMEHOW, they managed to disable the "clear history" button. You can't delete the websites you've visited, even if you try.

Well, what the hell am I supposed to do now?

Of course, this turn of events threw me for an absolute loop. Do they really expect me to WORK all day? I just sat and stared at the computer, but it was just a shell of it's former self. Empty and dead inside. Worthless.

What good is a computer if you can't read someone's blog, or go shopping, or post messages in various and sundry forums? No good I tell you. No good at all.

I tried to rebel. I went and sat on the floor of a co-worker's cubicle. I carted around my former supervisor on a bright red dolly as she held on and shrieked about being dropped. I read the Good Housekeeping magazine that's been growing mold in a corner of my cubicle. But none of it filled my soul with joy. None of it.

I going to seriously have to consider getting a new job.